WRPPA Conference: Dan Haesler - How to Enhance Your Wellbeing (and that of those around you)

Director – Cut through Coaching

dan@CutThroughHQ.com

HabitsOfLeadership.com

How to Enhance Your Wellbeing (and that of those around you)

Positive Psychology – not about being happy all the time.

Looks at what people who are thriving are actually doing differently than those whose wellbeing is low.

1970s psychological study of seminarians

Spent time studying God Samaritan story – and then invited to another campus to spread the story of the Good Samaritan – why it is important. 3 groups – presenting on different days

1.      when arrived, greeted off the bus and shown the way to speaking area
2.      When arrived, greeting: thought you would be here a little earlier – never mind – shown the way

3.      When arrived, we’ve been waiting half an hour – the group has been waiting for you – get there quickly

Planted an injured actor en route

Group 1 – 90% stopped to offer assistance
Group 2 – 40-50% stopped
Group 3 - <10% stopped to help. Some climbed over to get past (even though their sole purpose for being there was to spread the word about helping those in need)

...About PRESSURE
Pressure – makes you do things that aren’t in keeping wth your values
Emotional Intelligence – ability to understand own emotions and those of the people around you.

The Open Limbic Loop

Be aware of when someone is pushing your buttons – how is that making you feel. How do you regulate? “depends what mood they are in” – some use Limbic Loop as a mechanism.

A key purpose of leadership ...is to challenge the status quo. Every now and then there will be some kind of set back.

When you have a set-back – which mode to you go into (flight or fight – something’s out there – it’s going to get me). As humans developed in the prefrontal cortex – enabled us to create a world where running on the amygdala / limbic system - is no longer needed. Prefrontal coretex – is a minder for the limbic system. 9/10 Prefrontal cortext does a great job at keeping you safe.

Every now and then you go into the limbic brain, and react without thinking -  “I don’t know what I was thinking” – the reality is that you weren’t – it was all feeling.

Fight back against the amygdala hijack

Cognitively fatigued – trying to keep a lid on it – being nice to everyone – come home and loose it.

Recognise when this happens

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS)

·        Catastrophising (in angered or upset state) – worst thing someone can say is – calm down.

·        Black and White (things will never be the same – he’s dead to me)
·        Personalising – blame someone – their fault

·        Mindreading  

·        Over-generalising

·        Filtering

(what are your go-tos?)

The Vicious Spiral

Pest Control: Wellbeing

·        Mindfulness

·        Keep spare moments spare

·        Relationships – wellbeing starts with ‘We’ – how do we make everyday relationships stronger – share good news. ‘Gas principle’ – Give a Shit

...go about nurturing relationships that are important to you.

Accomplishment

·        We overestimate ...our impact on others

·        We underestimate ...the time it will take to have that impact (then take it on ourselves – my fault)

Create a buffer – don’t add pressure ourselves when we have enough pressure on us already

What would you love to be able to do?

Stories you tell yourself as to why you can’t do it – relate to what others have told you. What you see is what you see. Take the context and narrative into account. The stories we tell ourselves every day stop us seeing the narrative that actually is.